Does this beard make me look fat

Monday, February 14, 2011

My Valentines: Phil Lynott and Bruce

Readers, esteemed colleagues, and members of the jury, the time is nigh to make your case for love, lust and your desire to be with the person your longing for long enough to begin forgetting things together. This Valentines Day, I'm a lucky guy in that I have enough love to evenly disperse across many hearts. First, Jacquie, part saint, part sinner, part saviour. A diamond in the rough. And then my other two. First is Phil Lynott. Deceased lead singer of Thin Lizzy. Writer of such hits as Jailbreak, Whiskey In A Jar, and Boys Are Back In Town. Phil was and remains a first responder to heartbreak. You get dumped, you throw on Thin Lizzy, pump a fist wildly in the air, maybe then glance at the photo of you and your former significant other dropping down a roller coaster ride in which you mostly just look old and goofy flashing dual devil horns. Then cue up Boys Are Back in Town as to finalize the break up and say that yeah, you left me devil woman, but things will get better. They have to. Right?

Cue the Boss. This is a multi step process. Phil Lynott is the first on the scene, then the Boss assesses the damage and diagnoses the problem. Anxiety in life? Born to Run, maybe Thunder Road. Really, really want to sleep with a girl you just know has seen Jerry Maguire? Secret Garden. Wanting the girl back, but not sure how to convey the feelings of playing host to the impending void and really, really not wanting to go back to "self-servicing" as much as you once did? Hmmm, Beautiful Disguise, Human Touch, I'm on Fire (more likely about sleeping with your neighbors wife, but still). I love Bruce because he sounds and looks like a mechanic that just has a great handle on everything in life and talks like he's from the rural South and not Asbury Park. Bruce is your ring man, squirting water in your mouth, wiping off the blood,sweat and puss resulting from the boxing match that can be a relationship, telling you to get back in there and take this one home, son. And you will. Because you'll be empowered by the Boss. He wrote Dancing in the Dark, so listen to him.

Now take her easy, especially if you live upstairs. You know the neighbors have to get to wondering when the bumping of the feet of the bed take on a certain pulsating rhythm.

No comments: